Integration as an immigrant
I moved out of my native country India 16 years ago. I lived in the U.K. for 4 years and thereafter I have been in the States for 12 years. Integration into society definitely took a while. And in part I guess it’s nobody’s fault.
As an immigrant who hasn’t grown up in this country, gone to high school here, never been to prom, not binged on some of the cult movies and TV series that your fellow peers would be into, not grown up watching or playing the American sports that most of your fellow peers are into, not grown up eating the same kind of fast food or candy or knowing salt water taffy that kids eat here, there are definite gaps between the two worlds: the Immigrant world and the Citizens world. Another thing that also tends to happen is that because you have missed out on the movies, TV shows, sports that your peers have grown up watching, it’s difficult to catch the jokes that many times are based on the pop culture let alone make jokes or in the present times memes that make the cut. I am not going to get into differences in societies because that always exists and I do feel the immigrants should take the initiative to bridge the gap in that respect since we have immigrated into this country.
I remember the first time someone made a reference to Tom Cruise’s famous quote: “Show me the money” and I thought he was upset and insulting me. I was a poor grad student at that time and the fact that this grown man with a full time job was asking me to pay him was just baffling to me.
And lately with all the Star Wars references, god that’s just like watching people enact a foreign language movie without subtitles. And Star Wars is so ingrained in everyone, that it’s everywhere, even at work. Now after two years of being bombarded with the references both in person and online and having friends to watch it with and explain it, I atleast know some of the main characters: The Dark Lord, Princess Lea, Hans Solo, R2D2, Yoda and Chewbacca. I kinda get the appeal. It has something for everyone: humans, animals, computers and aliens. I don’t think I know of any other show that pans the terrestrial, the extra terrestrial and the animal kingdom to create comedy.
To me the equivalent is F.R.I.E.N.D.S. This was a show I binged during high school, sometimes secretly because I wasn’t really allowed to watch people making out in high school. This show at that time was my window into the western world and then after coming here I realized that people here didn’t really watch it as much as we had binged it. Plus, some people were offended because they felt it misrepresented all Americans as New Yorkers, which I admit is a cliche that a lot of immigrants believe in. I still remember the first time I heard a Southern accent. I felt that is not an American accent because to me at that time the New York accent was the only true American accent I knew of. Now I realize that New York accent is actually a rarity. It mostly only exists on TV. It’s similar to the British accent that most Americans are familiar with: the BBC accent or the royal family’s accent. Rest all are not proper English.
By the way, this person Jay who had vocally expressed to me that F.R.I.E.N.D.S did not represent India was the same guy who used to often do the Indian head bobble on seeing me and had asked me about snake charmers and monkeys. But he was also the guy to exchange recipes, have regular genuine conversations (that wasn’t just pertaining to how the weather was), introduce me to many western nuances that I wasn’t previously aware of and who went on to become a good friend.
As an immigrant I have mostly been very fortunate to have met people with a genuine interest in getting to know me and accept me the way I am. Plus, it does help that India being the second most populous country, Indians are everywhere especially in the United States. So generally when Indians can’t be included after a lot of prodding, we tend to make our own bubble which then goes on expanding at a rate similar to India’s population. It’s the story of the camel in the tent. You give us space for a finger and we try to takeover the entire place. So yes, my inner circle until a year or so ago has mostly consisted of my dear Indian husband who I met in grad school and our Indian friends. But in the spirit of integration despite my husband laughing at me for saying this, I do still claim to be a global citizen. And recently we have been making some teeny weeny progress in this integration mission which of course lately given the CoVid situation has only been limited to zoom integration sessions.
As years have passed, there are many things I have learnt: 1) New York is only a very small part of U.S. 2) Americans are very passionate about the people in the big shiny White House (so know your audience before discussing politics) 3) Weather and sports are still the favorite topics of discussion, although weather isn’t as much discussed as in the U.K. I never understood why weather was a favorite topic in U.K. There is only one season! 4) Most importantly, Americans are very diverse, family oriented people who genuinely care about their country and make an effort in integrating immigrants (if you show interest). But hey it only just took a decade for that to happen. As my friend Chandler would say: “Could this be any faster? Hi, I am Chandler, I make jokes when I am uncomfortable”
